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Archive for July, 2010

Obama Looking For “Mojo”


2010
07.31

In a candid interview on “TheView,” which aired nationwide on July 30, 2010, President Barack Obama stated unequivocally, to the world, that the future outlook of the U.S. is reliant on Mojo.tm

Following this announcement, law enforcement officials nationwide are under strict orders to locate Mojotm and bring him to the White House.

In response to this egregious and false custody claim, a man known simply as “mojo-daddy,” has relocated Mojo® to a sanctuary city where he is now safely in hiding. To further protect Mojo©, “mojo-daddy” is also not answering the phone – in case it is really the President blocking caller id.

Meanwhile, in the massive, dog-eat-dog canine world, protesters and demonstrators alike have taken to dog parks and fire hydrants across the country with displays of aggression, sniffing, humping, licking, and intermittent territorial marking.

After declaring the nation under high alert status, the National Guard, FBI, CIA, PBS, CBS, ABC, NBC, MSNBC, CNN, NRA, and SWAT teams all over the U.S. have been mobilized and deployed in readiness for the highly-anticipated, impending civil unrest.

In an open letter to President Obama, “mojo-daddy” had this to say:

Dear Mr. President,

Speaking on behalf of Mojotm (since he does not have the vocal apparatus to enunciate human words) and myself, we are willing to do everything we can to help the U.S.A. during these challenging times.

However, let there be no doubt that Mojotm belongs here – free, naked, and with me.

While it is increasingly apparent that many people are looking for Mojo® (In Search of Mojo… W4D?) seizing and taking him by force is not the answer.

Please, Mr. President, let us all work together in order to revel in Mojo’s® cuteness, bask in the Mojo© aura, and follow the positive teachings of Mojotm – while simultaneously avoiding the con-dog ways and the weaselness that is Mojo.tm Working together – we can ultimately improve the economy, provide lucrative jobs for all, end world hunger, end global warming, end illiteracy, lower taxes, cure cancer, provide health care for all, eliminate reliance on fossil fuels, restore the environment, secure our borders, achieve world peace, and most importantly – provide treats for everydog, regardless of breed, size, or color.

Thank you Mr. President.

A fellow mojoist,

– mojo-daddy

WARNING: Puppy Pictures – Mojo Has Siblings!


2010
07.19

Published July 19, 2010 | Associated Press | Copyright 2010 | All Rights Reserved.

City and State officials are now breathing a collective sigh of relief, hoping that violent clashes, protests and civil unrest will cease. In the most talked about event since the BP Oil Spill of 2010, long-awaited news and rampant rumors have been finally been confirmed:

Mojo has 6 new siblings – 3 boys and 3 girls.

Jolie, an exhausted, but proud mom, emerged briefly to issue this statement, “Like all parents, we’re just happy that they are healthy – blind and with 4 legs… Grrrr, now get away from them and leave us the @#%#$ alone!”

Lengthy, but so far peaceful, lines have begun forming, causing one official (who wished to remain anonymous) to compare this event with the release of iPhone 4 – only without the bugs.

Mojo Android App Coming Soon!


2010
07.11

Due to extremely high, unbelievably lackluster demand, Mojo International Inc. has announced an upcoming release of “Mojoid” – an Android application.

Stay tuned for details.

Mojo Enterprises, Inc. Embroiled in Bitter Lawsuit


2010
07.09

Breaking News: “Newly discovered dinosaur is ‘Mojoceratops'”

The unapproved use of the internationally renowned and ubiquitously familiar “Mojo” trademark name (NYSE: MOJO, estimated street value: 3.2 Billion Dollars), has industry pundits reeling. Speculation is rampant, and everyone is holding their breath for the next move in this legal quagmire.

Repeated calls to Mojo Enterprises, Inc. went unanswered (many say the call should only be given one time); however, the Mojo, Inc. legal staff has issued a statement saying:

“A trademark infringement suit has been filed. A hush order is in place, so we cannot say more at this time.”

Stay tuned for more breaking news as this story unfolds.

Mutt-Mitt Mystery


2010
07.02

I did my laundry today (thank you very much) and when I took my clothes out of the dryer, there were 9 green Mutt Mitt bags mixed with the clothes. Nine.

How does this happen? I have no idea where these came from. I check the pockets before washing and it’s not like I have a wide assortment of pants (I don’t think it’s necessary to elaborate on this to you, my faithful readers).

Most people lose a sock or something – I gain Mutt Mitts.

Anyway, this is really bothering me and I wanted to share with you.

– mojo-daddy

P.S. Is anyone missing any Mutt Mitts?